Wednesday, 14 June 2017

.Our Tiny Miracle - Part 1.

I've been wanting to write Nash's birth story out for a while now but kept putting it off. I think I was scared to "go back". Scared that re-living it on paper might hurt. As painful as it may be, it's really a story of incredible strength and courage. A story that has changed my life for the better in so many ways.

On the morning of Thursday, Dec. 29th I woke up with a tiny little bit of spotting. At first I wasn't overly concerned because I knew spotting could be quite common and I wasn't having any cramping. As the morning carried on, the spotting continued a little bit. Just before lunch, I decided to go into the hospital to get it checked out. Nyah was on Christmas break from school and Jay was working from home that day so he was able to stay with her. When I got to the hospital, they did all the standard checks including a urine test and fetal monitoring. There is a blood test they can do that will tell you if you are in the early stages of labor but they warned me it isn't always accurate but they did it anyways and cabbed it to Surrey Memorial for immediate processing. As we were waiting for those results the doctor came in to do an internal exam at the same time as a tech came to get me for an ultrasound. I feel this is an important part of our story because the doctor told me to go have the ultrasound and he would do his exam after. I never got that internal exam. I'll always wonder if things would have been different if I had. When I returned from the ultrasound all the results of the tests were in. The blood work did not show any signs of preterm labor and the ultrasound and baby looked good. The only thing that was slightly off was I had some white blood cells in my urine which could have been an indication of my body trying to fight something like a bladder infection. The doctor was confident that everything was fine and that the spotting could have been a result of a broken blood vessel which was no big deal so they sent me home. The spotting had stopped by the time I got home so I didn't worry about it again that day.

I never would have thought my last bump photo would have been from that day.

The next morning I got up and again had some very light spotting. Based on what the doctor had said the day before I told myself it must have been that burst blood vessel and that maybe the way I slept was putting pressure on it causing the spotting. We went about our day like any other. We meet Brandy, Paul and Brody at Chuck-e-Cheese and the kids had a great day. I felt slightly uncomfortable but I had been uncomfortable for most of the time during this pregnancy. I just thought it was because I was huge and carrying so low. That evening I started to google signs of preterm labor. I also had Jay call his mom to confirm how early he was. Apparently he was 6 weeks early but weighed over 5 lbs!! Looking back, I think it was very strange that I was googling signs and asking for info on Jay's early arrival when I never once believe I was in preterm labor. Was my subconscious trying to tell me something?

That night as I tried to sleep I started to experience pain. At first it woke me up out of my sleep every once in a while. As the night went on, the pain started to get worse and happen more frequently. At this point I thought that it was that oncoming bladder infection they had mentioned on Thursday. I was cursing myself for not picking up cranberry juice and nipping it in the butt before it had time to materialize. At around 3:00 am I woke Jay up and told him I was going to the hospital to get antibiotics for said bladder infection because I was in so much pain. I assured him I was fine and that I would be home before him and Nyah got up for the day. Looking back now,  I was in labor. All the signs were there. At one point, I can remember having to stop walking and grab the railing and wait out the pain before continuing down the stairs. Hello contraction! But when your only 27 weeks its too scary to think you could be in labor so I never once let myself go there.

By the time I got to the hospital at around 3:20 am  I was in so much pain! I had to check in through emerg first and then I had to walk up to the maternity ward. When I got there they hooked me up to the monitor and they assured me the baby was fine. The doctor was on call so they said she would be there shortly. As I laid on the bed I was SO uncomfortable. I was trying to breath through the pain but it was so bad! I can remember at one point asking the nurse if I could stand up because it was hurting in my back so bad but she said  I couldn't because of the monitor. By the time the doctor got there I was a mess but still believed it was a bladder infection.

The doctor came in and said she was going to do an internal exam. She asked me to put my feet up in the stirrups and before she even touched me I heard her say to the nurse "Did you see that", At that point, I was terrified. I know now, it was his head she saw. She told me I could take my legs down and she came over to the side of my bed, held my hand and looked me straight in the eyes and said "Honey, you are 10 cm, you are having this baby today." What happened next is all a blur. I can only remember a few defining moments. I remember crying and telling her "No, I dont think you understand... I'm not having my baby today, I'm only 27 weeks".  I said things like "I don't know how to push out a baby, I c-sectioned my daughter so I'm not doing this" to which she responded "it's too late sweetheart, you have to push this baby out"... I remember begging and pleading to her... and to god... to make it all stop.... to keep my baby inside. Never in my life have I ever been so scared. I was terrified that our son was going to die. And then it hit me that this was going to happen and that I was all alone. I tried texting Jay. All my text said was "I'm in labor, please come"... and right underneath that green text bubble was a red one that said undelivered. I had no service.