Wednesday, 23 January 2013

.no pics...just words.

It's been 2 months since Nyah's surgery and tomorrow we have another follow up appointment. She's had to wear a small bandage since the surgery and I'm pretty sure tomorrow she will get it off for good. After looking at her sweet face for 2 months with an ugly bandage on it you'd think I'd be excited to see it come off. But the truth is I have mixed emotions. While laying in bed with her tonight as she fell asleep, I thought about the scar. Many people have said stuff to me to try and make me feel better about it... "scars add character", "It will get smaller as she gets bigger" or my favorite... "She'll be able to use make up". There are no words to make me feel better about it. I remember what it was like growing up. It's hard and kids are cruel. I've felt it myself and seen it first hand.

In elementary school, I had really bad skin (Ughhh... and I still suffer with pimples in my 30's!!) and I can remember girls whispering about me behind my back. I remember getting an invitation to a girl's bat mitzvah and being so excited to take it home and ask my parents if I could go only to overhear the birthday girl say that the only reason I got invited was cause her mom made her invite the whole class. Being in grade 7, this was devastating! I never told my parents about the invitation. I just tried to pretend like it never happened. My pimples being the subject of gossip made me so self conscious.

I never want her to feel the way I did. I never want her to feel not good enough or not pretty enough.

And so I face tomorrow with mixed emotions. When the bandage comes off, the scar comes out for the world to see.

Take this as your warning world.... Be kind to my daughter... She is beautiful. Scar or not... And in case you want to challenge this fact you should know that her mama is pretty tough and will kick your ass if you hurt her.